It’s the news no one wants to hear: Someone you care about has lost a loved one. When you know the person who is grieving, but don’t know their loved one well (if at all), it can be especially difficult to decide what to say. Later, when supporting the person during and after the visitation, funeral or memorial service, it can also be tough to know how to express your sympathy. Everyone reacts differently to the death of a loved one, and there’s no such thing as a “perfect” response to help a person who is grieving. With that in mind, however, there are a few dos and don’ts that can be helpful when considering what to say when someone dies. Consider what you know about the person who has experienced the loss, and your relationship with that person, when deciding how to express your sympathy. A thoughtful and sincere approach can help the person know that you’re available to support them – if and when they need it. What words and expressions of sympathy have provided comfort when you experienced a loss? Share your thoughts in the comments below.When You Hear the News
When Offering to Help
At the Visitation, Funeral or Memorial Service
When Following Up
FAQs
Funeral Etiquette: What to Say When Someone Dies? ›
Simply saying "I'm sorry for your loss" is usually enough. If you are comfortable, share a memory of the deceased. In this difficult time, sharing the joy of the deceased's life can help comfort family members. Be respectful and listen attentively when spoken to, and offer your own words of condolence.
How to answer when someone asks how are you after a death? ›- I'm not doing so well today, but knowing you're there means a lot. Please feel free to keep asking.
- I'm not sure how I feel right now, but I would love some company in the next few days.
- This week has been really difficult, but please keep inviting me out.
- I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. Wishing you peace during this difficult time.
- Our thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
- Thinking of you in these difficult times.
- I'm so sorry to hear about ___. I know how much his/her smile brightened your day. ...
- We're sorry to hear about the passing of ___. Sending love.
"Please accept my deepest condolences for your loss." "(The deceased) was a great person, and I'll miss them very much." "(He/she) meant a lot to me and everyone else at (the work place.) (He/she) contributed a lot to the company and our team, and (the deceased) will be missed."
What to say instead of how are you when someone dies? ›I've found it really helpful because by swapping out a few words in the question, you can still easily ask your friend how they really are and invite an authentic response. It can also feel really helpful to hear “I'm here for you.” That statement is great because it makes the griever feel like you're there to listen.
What to say instead of "Are you okay"? ›Be relaxed, friendly and concerned in your approach. Help them open up by asking questions like "How are you going?" or "What's been happening?" Mention specific things that have made you concerned for them, like "You seem less chatty than usual. How are you going?"
What is the most sincere condolence message? ›- "I am deeply sorry to hear about the passing of your loved one.”
- "My deepest sympathy goes out to you at this difficult time.”
- "May happy memories of your [family member] comfort you during this sad time.”
- "I'm sorry to hear about your loss.
Some common synonyms of condolence are commiseration, compassion, pity, and sympathy. While all these words mean "the act or capacity for sharing the painful feelings of another," condolence applies chiefly to formal expression of grief to one who has suffered loss.
What is a beautiful condolence quote? ›“Today and always, may loving memories bring you peace, comfort, and strength.” “My heart is with you in your time of sorrow.” “Wishing you peace and strength during this difficult time.” “May the sorrow you feel in your heart lighten by the love that surrounds you.”
What do you say at a funeral etiquette? ›- “I'm so sorry about your loss. [The deceased] was a good person and they'll be very missed.”
- “Please accept my deepest condolences for your loss.”
- “[The deceased] was a wonderful person and I'll miss them very much.”
- “My name is [your name] and I worked with [the deceased] for several years.
What not to say to someone after a funeral? ›
Your place is to console, not to judge. Acknowledge the person's loss and avoid saying things like “I'm glad it was you and not me.” Don't tell anyone what to do or to change his or her feelings. Don't ask anything of a bereaved person other then what you might be able to do to help.
What not to say at a funeral? ›While this may seem obvious, you should avoid implying or saying that life is easier because of the loss of someone. Trying to find any rational reason why death is ok, simply isn't helpful to those who are grieving. 6. He feels no pain because he is in a better place.
What's a good quote for someone who passed away? ›- We miss you and love you always.
- Loving you forever.
- Forever in our hearts.
- Nothing can ever take away a love the heart holds dear.
- Those who touch our lives, stay in our hearts forever.
- Greatly loved, deeply missed.
- Your life was a blessing, your memory a treasure.
- My heartfelt condolences. I pray that you are surrounded by God's comforting love.
- Through God's love, I pray that He grant you the comfort that He alone can give. My heart is with you.
There are common words of sympathy that can be personalized to any situation. “I was saddened to hear of Michael's passing, and my thoughts are with you and your family.” “I'm sending you my condolences.”
How do you describe how you feel after someone dies? ›Immediately after a death, those left behind often feel shocked, numb and in denial, particularly if the death was unexpected. When they begin to understand the reality of death, they can feel intensely sad, empty or lonely, and sometimes angry or guilty. The feelings can be painful, constant or overwhelming.
How do you respond to "How are you?"? ›- “Fine. How are you?”
- “I'm good. And you?”
- “Can't complain! How are you?”“Pretty good. Excited for [upcoming event, season, or holiday]. ...
- “I'm all right. Thanks.”
- “I'd be better if it would stop raining!”
- “Good enough for a Monday morning. How are you?”
- “Living the dream.”
One way to help a grieving friend feel less alone is to simply remind them that you care. Ask how they are doing today. Tell them you're ready for their real answer—fine, terrible, a shrug—without judgement. This lets your friend know they can let their guard down and that you're there for them.
What do you say when checking up on someone who is grieving? ›Let them know that however they feel is OK – there is no “right” way to grieve. Try saying: "However you're feeling is ok." "I'm here for you with this pain, however bad it gets."