Gordon J Campbell · Follow
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We can’t avoid death, taxes, and the tradition of gift money
Remember receiving a few dollars in a card from Grandparents at Christmas or on your birthday?
This practice is common and critical to navigating through important events while living in Japan.
Cash gifts are inherent in the cultural fabric, with rules written in stone.
Are you going to a wedding?
Get the cash ready.
Did your good friend’s daughter pass the entrance examination and enter Middle School?
Head to the bank to get crisp new bills.
(My wife keeps a stash of brand-new yen bills in case we need to shell out gift envelopes on a bank holiday.)
Do you give cash at funerals? You better believe it.
How about birthdays?
Yes, your children, nieces, nephews, and grandchildren also expect their envelope with a cash gift on New Year’s morning.
We have a fair understanding of the practice and expectations for each type of event but always go online to confirm details.
How much do we need to give at a wedding?
The cash gift is called “Goshugi,” and the amount depends on your relationship with the people who invited you.
For example, a wedding involving a good friend or a boss would require a cash gift of 30,000 yen to 50,000 yen from each guest, while a colleague or a client might expect to receive 20,000 yen to 30,000 yen.
In addition, close relatives would receive as much as 100,000 yen (US$750.00) from their family.
You want to avoid the numbers four and nine. They are associated with death and pain and won’t work when giving cash presents.
A few years ago, a health club member in Roppongi died, and the American club manager attended the funeral. He asked his (American) boss about the amount to prepare for the cash gift, and they decided to present 40,000 Yen.
Ouch. The amount was excessive, and the four 10,000 yen bills were considered a bad omen. They were new bills, another faux pas.
(Unlike weddings, cash for funerals should not be crisp and fresh.)
The number four is pronounced “shi” in Japanese, and is a hom*onym for the word meaning death, while nine is pronounced “ku” and is associated with ‘kurushimi” (pain.)
We gaijin (foreigners) seem to step in it worst a funerals.
When you hand the cash envelope over at a funeral, you say, “go shu so sama desu.” (I’m sorry for your loss.)
One British friend attending a funeral gave his envelope and said, “gochi so sama desu” which means “Thank you for dinner.”
At a funeral I attended (by myself) for an orthopedic surgeon, I handed the envelope with condolence money carefully wrapped in cloth by my wife to the attendant.
Time seemed to stop while he stared at the unwrapped cash gift until I took it back, unwrapped it, and handed it over politely with both hands while saying, “go shu so sama desu.”
The ink used to write on the funeral envelope should be grey.
(The grey color represents ink mixed with tears, and the unexpected death did not allow time to prepare darker ink with the traditional stone and ink stick.)
The condolence money, called “koden,” once again depends on your relationship with the deceased’s family.
Funerals for neighbors, friends, and parents require a 3000 to 10,000 Yen gift. A funeral for an aunt or uncle will cost you 10,000 to 20,000 yen, and for a sibling, 50,000 to 100,000 yen.
Attending your grandparent’s funeral will require a 10,000 to 30,000 yen payment.
Florists create displays for Japanese funerals with white and yellow chrysanthemums and lilies. These flowers are associated with death in Japan and are considered an acceptable option to cash gifts.
The flowers are sometimes pulled from the displays and placed in the open casket to accompany the deceased to the crematorium.
Preparing the cash and its specific envelope is equally crucial to giving the correct amount.
A “Shugi-bukuro,” is a special envelope used for weddings. It is decorated with red and white ribbons and is available at convenience stores, bookstores, and other retail shops. The knotted ribbon symbolizes a strong union.
The “shugi-bukuro” has a white envelope to insert new, crisp, clean 10,000 yen bills. It is complete when you scribe the cash amount and your name.
The Kanji used to note the gift amount is different from the standard characters used daily. The Japanese people carefully review the strokes of the traditional characters before writing the value on the envelope.
You write your name in “katakana,” a Japanese syllable alphabet.
This envelope is placed into the “Shugi-bukuro” and wrapped in a “f*ckasa” cloth for transport to the event. You unwrap the fabric and hand the envelope politely with two hands over to people attending a desk in the wedding’s reception area, and they record the transaction.
The New Year’s cash present for children is called “otoshidama” and is the responsibility of Grandparents, Aunts, Uncles, parents, good friends, and neighbors.
The New Year’s gift starts at 3000 Yen while children in elementary school and rises to 10,000 yen for high school students. We give the New Year’s cash in small envelopes called “PochiBukuro,” which are available with decorations popular with kids.
In ages past, children would kneel in front of the adults giving them money and accept it politely with both hands after bowing.
(The child would arise and hurry away to be polite and open the envelope out of sight of the giver.)
So what do I get in return for my generosity?
Tradition requires you to give your guests a gift valued at about half the cash present.
People giving a 3000 yen condolence gift at a funeral for an acquaintance might return home with a bag containing a handkerchief or socks.
(We have a lovely vase which was a gift from an employee after we gave her a cash wedding present.)
The costs to hold a funeral or wedding in Japan can be exorbitant, and the cash presents are a welcome relief for the families hosting the events.
For example, the average cost of a wedding in Japan in 2022 was 3 million yen, while an average funeral amounted to about 1.1 million yen.
(Prime Minister Abe’s funeral cost taxpayers 1.66 billion yen and is estimated to have been more expensive than Queen Elizabeth’s funeral.)
The shake-down starts at the wedding halls and funeral centers and filters down to each guest.
This demand on your bank account is another reason to pray for the health of your loved ones and commend any couple with the courage (and good sense) to elope.
