Bigamy:being married (in a legal sense) while already married to another person (usually illegal)
Boundaries:a limit placed upon one’s self (ex. “I choose to use condoms with all my partners that have barrier free sex with other partners.” Generally happier medium in the community, but still must be made known to all partners so they can make their own decisions. (see “rules” also.)
Closed Relationship:any configuration in which partners are not allowed to seek other partners outside the configuration
Compersion:the opposite of jealousy; an empathetic response to a partner’s happiness with their other partner(s)
Cowboy/Cowgirl:a man or woman who engages in a relationship with a polyamorous person with the intention of separating them from any other partners
Don’t ask, don’t tell (DADT):a relationship structure in which a person can have additional relationships on the condition that their partner doesn’t know anything about the additional relationships or have to communicate with any of the other partners. (Can work, often seen as unhealthy due to decreased communication)
Egalitarian Triad:a non-hierarchical triad in which all partners are equal and each partner, including the “unicorn”, has autonomy in the relationship, free to have separate polyamorous relationships, and choose their own boundaries
Emotional fidelity:a belief or practice that emotional intimacy or love must be kept exclusive to a particular relationship, though sexual activity or other forms of physical intimacy may occur outside of that relationship
Fluid bonding:of or related to practices which involve the exchange of bodily fluids, such as barrier-free sexual intercourse
Handfasting:a rural folkloric and neopagan ceremony that unites two people in a common bond; dissimilar marriage as it does not enlist sexual exclusivity or permanence; also is not recognized as a “legal” marriage and thus is not “illegal” or considered bigamy
Hierarchical relationship:a polycule configuration in which there is a primary partnership which takes priority over one or more secondary arrangements (can work if all parties agree, but can be frowned upon in the community)
Primary partner: in a hierarchical relationship, the partnership with the most involvement, or sometimes the person accorded the most importance
Secondary partner: in a hierarchical relationship, the partnership(s) in which either by intent or circ*mstance, are given less in terms of time, energy, commitment and priority than a primary relationship
Tertiary partner: in a hierarchical relationship, the partnership(s) that are generally quite casual, and/or limited with respect to time, energy, or priority
Kitchen Table Polyamory (KTP):refers to poly relationships where everyone in the polycule is comfortable sitting together at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee. Metamours want to feel comfortable talking or spending time together, and possibly include children in special events such as birthdays, etc. (Ex. George calls Jane to plan a surprise birthday dinner for Anne and they all go together.)
Metamour:your partner’s partner that you are not otherwise involved with romantically.
Monogamish:a term used to describe a relationship which is a closed couple most of the time, but has exceptions
Monogamy:the practice or state of having a non-platonic relationship with only one partner
Nesting Partner(s):the partnership(s) that live together, could include 2 or more, and may share financial responsibility of the home
New Relationship Energy (NRE):the feeling of euphoria associated with the beginning of a relationship
Non-platonic:a relationship that has a romantic and/or sexual nature
Non-monogamy:a catch-all term which covers several types of relationships in which an individual forms multiple and simultaneous sexual and/or romantic bonds with informed consent from all involved
One Penis Policy (OPP):a poly arrangement in which a man is allowed to have multiple female partners, who are allowed to have sex with other women but forbidden to have other male partners (usually seen as negative in the community, unless it is the ersonal choice of the women involved)
Open relationship:any configuration in which partners are allowed to seek other partners for sex and/or romance
Old Relationship Energy (ORE):the feeling of comfort, security, and stability associated with a long-standing romantic relationship
Parallel Polyamory:refers to poly relationships where the relationships run in parallel and don’t interact. This could be by choice or forced, such as by distance. Similar to DADT but different in that partners may discuss other partners, with consent from all. (Ex. “I had a date with Jane. She says to say hello. We had dinner and drinks with some deep heart to heart talking. It was amazing.” In DADT, this conversation wouldn’t happen.)
Paramour:another partner’s lover (similar to metamour, easy to use descriptively, (“Jane has a new paramour who is anxious to finally meet us.”)
Poly/mono (or mono/poly):a relationship between a person who identifies as polyamorous and a person who identifies as monogamous
Polyamory:the philosophy or state of being non-platonically involved with more than one person at the same time with informed consent from all involved
Polycule/intimate network:a network of people who are involved in non-platonic relationships and their metamours.
Dyad: 2 people in a relationship with each other — Anne and George OR George and Jane.
Triad: 3 people in a relationship with each other — George, Anne, AND Jane are in a relationship together.
Quad: 4 people in a relationship with each other. — Anne, George, Jane, AND John are in a relationship together.
Vee/V/Hinge: 3 people in a relationship where one person is dating 2 other people, but those 2 are not dating each other — Anne and George are married. Anne is dating Jane. Jane and George have no romantic or sexual relations. Anne is a hinge. George and Jane are metamours. Think about this one literally, a hinge, folded to look like a V. One is the hinge, the other 2 are the sides.
There are INFINITE polycule possibilities!!!! These are just the most common.
Polyfidelity:three or more people in a closed relationship
Polygamy:the practice or custom of having more than one wife or husband at the same time
Polysaturated:polyamorous, but not currently open to new relationships because of the number of existing partners, or time constraints that might make new relationships difficult
Relationship anarchy (RA):a philosophy or practice in which people are seen as free to engage in any relationships they choose, any relationship choice is allowable, and in which there is not necessarily a clear distinction between “partner” and “non-partner”
Relationship orientation:a person’s identity as related to their preference for monogamy or polyamory
Rules:a restriction placed on a partner (generally frowned upon by the community but can work if it is a preference for all partners, and only if all partners know and agree, ex. “You cannot have unprotected sex with your other partners.” Please see “boundaries’ as well.)
Solo poly:an approach to polyamory that emphasizes autonomy and the freedom to form relationships without seeking permission from other partners
Swinging:a configuration in which partners have a relationship that is open for platonic sexual encounters
Unicorn/Dragon:a bisexual, polyamorous woman/man who is open to forming a triad with an established couple; referred to as these mythical creatures because these type of partners are extremely rare. (Though some women/men openly use the term unicorn/dragon for themselves, it is frowned upon for couples to do so. ‘Hunting” for a relationship with one is usually looked down upon. Please see “Egalitarian Triad”.)
© Anne M. Freitas and “Let’s Talk Poly”, 2019. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Anne M. Freitas and “Let’s Talk Poly” with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
